He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
