just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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