ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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