but the lizard people decide everything anyway
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize