thus making me awesome and them whores
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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