Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
