naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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