Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
