Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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