I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
