I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
