Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
