Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
