Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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