This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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