Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
