Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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