if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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