the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
