They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this just has baby written all over it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
