You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
