3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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