Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
