I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
