ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
