Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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