I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
