You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
