you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
