apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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