Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
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