i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
