I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
