There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
