she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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