the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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