I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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