what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
