big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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