I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
