It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
