I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
