I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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