i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
