once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
