party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
