I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize