He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
