so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
