I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
