Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
