I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
