if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
