We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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