So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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