State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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