One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
