...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
