have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
