Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
