You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
