I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
