in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
foreskin is a definite game changer
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
