fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
