we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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