i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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